An Interview with a Reader
Originally published online November 2008.

Since the publication of Androphilia, I’ve been in contact with several men who have credited me with influencing their decisions to pursue careers in the United States military. I am both humbled by this, and proud that I played some part in steering young men onto an honorable course.

I have a profound respect for men in the armed forces and law enforcement. If I were younger, single and without prior commitments, I might very well join these young warriors. A military life is far more attractive to me than the litany of servile, masturbatory “careers” in money-grubbing available out there in the soulless sprawling momist bureaucracy of the modern business world. I encourage young androphiles to at least consider enlisting provided that they have no particular calling to another linear career path–partially as an antidote to the progressive poison of the gay scene’s powerful social influence. But more than that, the military, its “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy aside, offers healthy male camaraderie, and it helps a lot of young males get their shit together and become MEN.

One of these young MEN recently contacted me, and during the course of our exchange it occurred to me that I would like to provide some evidence of this welcome though unintentional influence of the ideas presented in Androphilia. I would like to thank this young MAN for allowing me to interview him, though of course this discussion is presented in such a way as to maintain his professional anonymity.

What are some of the reasons you decided to join the military? If possible, please describe the thought progression and the chain of events that resulted in that decision.

I grew up always hearing about the Army. My father was a Reservist for many years in the Army Med Corps. So I’ve always had the image of the male archetype as a soldier in my head. As time went on and I began living the “gay lifestyle” I turned away from that and many other overtly male things. It wasn’t until my third year in college that I seriously thought about joining.

By that point I had grown out of the gay lifestyle, it was no longer fun and fresh. I had realized it for what it was and tossed it aside. I began to think about how I was trading the supposed gender stereotype for a slew of other stereotypes which were not very flattering. I began looking for loans and scholarships to continue college, with the eventual goal of attaining a degree in psychology, and stumbled upon the Army. I spoke with my Dad about what the Army had to offer, and what I could expect if I joined. At first I merely toyed with the idea, me being a “gay” man who had shied away from sports, was going to join the Army and go through Basic Combat Training (BCT). I thought it was ludicrous. Then I stumbled upon some of the early essays that later became Androphilia, and I had an awakening of sorts. I realized I could do this once I stopped conforming to the weak, victimized, “woe is me” attitude of the gay community. I shed it all and reinvented myself. I bulked up a bit, started exercising (lost my “twink” build) and began to look like a real man.

I went to see the local Army Recruiter, who was a rather handsome blonde haired, blue-eyed stud, and enlisted.

How did you perceive yourself before you made the decision to enter the military? What was your civilian life like; how did you spend your time?

I touched on my civilian life above but I’ll elaborate.

At the time I joined I was going to a local community college and working at TGI Fridays as a host/cook/waiter. On the weekends however I was a stripper at Club Heat on O Street, in the shady part of DC. It was a great way to pull in a few hundred bucks in a night’s work. Getting into the gay community such as I did gives me some interesting hind-sight. Many times in the club various leaders of the gay community would come into to meet and greet with “their people”. We wonder why people have this twisted view, we need merely look at our own to behavior to see.

In my free time, which was scarce, I usually read and worked on various papers for my courses. I was also President of the GLBT group on campus; however, running a meeting there was like herding cats while in the midst of bitter bitch-fest by the members. We actually never accomplished a task, as most of our members used it like a dating service, then when things turned bitter it became a forum to air someone else’s dirty laundry.

How has your perception of yourself changed after serving for a year?

After a year of service, I like the person I have become. I also feel that small piece of gay life that hasn’t left yet.

I am much surer of myself, I have no fear that someone is going to gay-bash me, which in my 21 years of life has never happened to me or any or my out friends.

I also gained a great deal of pride for serving my country. A thing most people, gay or otherwise, never get around to doing.

I am stronger, happier, I have also gained skills most people will never get, and I have been able to see things from a different perspective.

In the liberal, politically correct world of college education, I had no idea what most people truly thought of certain issues. Being that the Army is a rather conservative, “ole boys club,” I have seen things through a new set of eyes. Issues such as the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy which used to get me foaming at the mouth about gay rights, now make sense. I am able to be level headed about a great deal of things and be an individual, instead of spouting things I’ve read in the latest HRC update, or an Advocate interview of some new gay civil rights hero.

You mentioned that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” made more sense to you now. Would you care to elaborate?

The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy is to me a middle of the road approach to the entire subject. While meant to maintain unit cohesion, it also allows gay men and women to serve as long as they keep their proclivities to themselves. I feel this approach was a good idea when President Clinton signed it into law. However, these days the mass homophobia it was meant to circumvent is by and large gone from the military. Regardless of this fact I feel it is still a viable policy because though most people would be comfortable with it, there will always be that small percentage of people who on some base level are repulsed by the idea and in a combat situation you need to know you can count on that person for cover fire, first aid, etc. So in a way the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Policy” is there to protect the lives of homosexuals in the military. Whereas before I thought it was some vast right wing plot to stifle the freedoms and liberties of gays, I now see it for what it truly is, a protective measure for both gays and straights.

I don’t think my perception of that would change if I were dating a civilian, though it would likely lead to some arguments as far as why because I need to stay “closeted” and by default both of us have to stay closeted. Dating someone else in the military is a blessing in disguise, due to the strong bonds formed in the military it is not strange for me to meet him for lunch or that we live together. We work in the same area and people just assume we hang out based on shared interests and live together because it’s a cheap way to live off base.

Has your androphilia affected the way you interact with your male peers in the military on a day-to-day basis, or affected your ability to form strong non-sexual bonds and friendships with other soldiers? Do you think you would be ostracized by those peers if they knew you were attracted to men?

My androphilia has actually allowed me to make deeper bonds with the guys I work with. The military is charged with homoerotic energy and there are numerous occasions daily where someone tries to push beyond your comfort level. On any given day there are hundreds of instances of ass grabbing/slapping, and insinuations with gay subtext. All of these are meant to rattle your cage, and since they really don’t bother me that much I’m thought of as unshakable. This cool under fire persona has allowed me to gain the respect of the soldiers I work with. I think; however, that if they were to find out I was attracted to men some of the respect would disappear. Most of the younger guys wouldn’t care as much but there would be a sense of dishonesty for not letting them know up front. By and large they would likely understand the position that I am in, and on the rare occasion I did tell someone of my choice in sexual partners it has never been a problem. But as I said, that is a rare occasion.

What would you say to a young man who is an androphile, and who is currently considering a career in the military? What advice would you offer him?

To anyone gay or not, I would say joining the military is not a decision to be taken lightly. There are loads of benefits to joining, however you must be capable of fulfilling the obligations set forth by whichever branch you choose. I have seen too many people who join thinking that in a time of war the Army will take anyone and push them through training only to find they can’t take the pressure. Then these people attempt to get a Section 8 discharge for mental instability and have wasted the government’s time and money. The biggest problem will be shedding the homosexual mantle of being a victim most gays seem to have adopted. Weakness is not a trait the Army is fond of. You will have to change your perception of things and begin to take charge of the world around you.

However, if you make it through Basic Combat Training and Advanced Individual Training life isn’t too bad. You can still indulge in androphilia, you just have to practice some discretion. No proclaiming your love from the rooftops! All in all if you can think you can do it, DO IT! It is a great opportunity and a life changing experience.

Finally, in light of your experiences, has your perception of what it really means to be a male who is attracted to other males changed? How important is your sexuality to your overall sense of identity–what are the qualities that you feel define you as a man, and where does your sexuality fit into that picture?

To an extent, yes, my view has changed. Back in the day when I considered myself a gay activist, my sexuality was the very forefront of who I was as a person. Now, it is very different, my sexuality is a smaller facet of my life. I view it as more of a fetish than as a descriptor of who I am as a person. I define myself as a soldier and worry more about my duties than the local gay scene and the drama that goes along with it. While my relationship is very important to me, my love of men is more of a hobby than a driving force in all that I do.